Where I'm Supposed To Be
by Macahol84
Summary: "I just want to know where I'm supposed to be," She whispered in a barely audible breath.
1. Chapter 1

Kate Beckett stumbled sleepily into her kitchen early one morning, nearly having a heart attack when her brain registered a man standing at the stove, apparently cooking breakfast.

"Castle?" She asked, with no small amount of confusion and shock.

Castle glanced towards her. "Good morning Beckett," He smiled before turning back to the stove flipping the pancakes. "Sleep well?"

Kate was slowly drawn into the kitchen by the smell of fresh coffee. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she poured herself a cup.

Castle was silent as he made up of plate of pancakes and bacon before walking to the table. "What day is it today?"

"Monday," Kate huffed. "What are you doing here?"

Castle sighed as he placed the plate in front of her. "Just checking up on you."

Now it was Kate's turn to sigh. "Look I know I've been working a lot but you don't have to worry about me. I know what I'm doing."

"I know," Castle nodded as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen. "I've got to head back to the loft now."

"Writing?" Kate speculated as she cut up her pancakes.

"Um yeah." Castle hedged before walking out of the apartment. Kate shook her head, not looking forward to the day. Without Castle she was looking at quiet day of paper work.

* * *

Striding confidently into the bullpen, Kate greeted her team before approaching her desk. It was a relatively normal trip through the precinct albeit receiving strange looks from everyone she passed. Shrugging it off, Kate assumed that it was because Castle wasn't with her. When will they learn that she and Castle are not attached at the hip?

"Yo Beckett," Esposito called out. "What are you doing here?"

"Paperwork Esposito. Someone's got to do it," Kate smirked as she settled herself at her desk. Ryan and Esposito exchanged concerned looks before glancing at Montgomery's door. There was no need to inform him of what just happened. He was standing in the doorway to the bullpen.

"Beckett!" Captain Montgomery yelled.

"Yes sir?"

"My office. Now!" The captain ordered as he retreated to his office. Confused Kate walked towards his office trying to remember anything that would be cause for her boss to call her into his office.

"Yes sir?" Kate asked as she stepped into the room.

"Close the door," Montgomery said as he stood behind his desk. Kate complied before turning towards him once more. "Beckett do you remember the conversation we had yesterday?"

Now Kate was even more confused. "No sir."

Sighing Montgomery gestured towards the chairs in front of his desk. "Beckett, you- you have too many days banked up. The commissioner just informed me if you don't use some of them, you will lose all of them."

"All?" Kate almost choked on the word. She had roughly six months of sick, personal, and vacation days saved up. "Sir you can't do that."

"It's out of my hands Beckett," Montgomery sighed. "I'm sure the boys can handle any case you receive for the next two weeks."

Kate sat silently as she listened. This wasn't a vacation. This was more like a punishment. "Yes sir." Kate walked out and gathered her things before returning to her apartment.

* * *

Looking around her apartment, Kate was baffled. Two weeks without work after having just closed a case. She should be grateful for the time off but something wasn't right. A nagging feeling sat deep within her chest. There was something she was supposed it be doing.

"Working," She scoffed to the empty apartment. Maybe straightening up around the apartment would help clear her mind.

For an apartment she didn't spend a lot of time in, it sure took a while to clean. It was almost four in the afternoon when she finally collapsed onto her couch. Looking around the clean apartment Kate let out a sigh. Six hours of cleaning did nothing to help clear her head. There was still that nagging feeling that she couldn't get rid of. Letting out a sigh she quickly put on her shoes and ran a brush through her hair silently telling herself it was just so she looked more human.

The drive across town was quiet as she nervously bit her thumb nail. What if he was in the middle of a wonderful idea and she broke his trance? Would he be upset at her unannounced visit? There were so many thoughts swirling around her head that she couldn't concentrate. All she knew was the nag was still there.

Walking up to the loft's apartment door Kate could hear muffled voices. It almost sounded like laughter. Maybe this was a bad idea. He could be with another woman. Before Kate had a chance to turn around and run her hand was knocking on the door. She silently cursed herself as she heard the laughter stop. There was no backing down now. Slowly Castle opened the door.

"Kate!" His reaction was one of pure surprise. "What are you doing here?"

There was a muffled noise behind him followed by the sound of footsteps going upstairs. Kate felt a sinking feeling in the bottom of her stomach. "You know what forget it," She waved it off. "It was nothing." Turning she started to walk quickly back to the elevators. Maybe if she was lucky, she could get inside of them before she fully embarrassed herself by crying in front of him. As the elevator doors opened she felt someone pull her arm back.

"Kate wait." His voice was soft and full of concern. "What's wrong?"

The walls that were carefully placed around her began to tumble. "I don't know," came out on a sob as the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. "I've had this nagging feeling all day. I went to work, and Montgomery sent me home for two weeks. I tried to look at it as a vacation but there's something that I'm missing and I just- I don't know what."

Castle tentatively stepped closer to her and pulled her into a hug. It wasn't anything more then a friend trying to console another friend. What surprised him was how Kate hung onto him as if he were a life preserver and she were drowning in an ocean. Little did he know that Kate felt as if she were drowning.

"I just want to know where I'm supposed to be," She whispered in a barely audible breath.

Taking a deep breath, Castle stepped away. "Come with me." He held out his hand. Kate slipped her hand in his and wiped her eyes as he lead them back to the loft. Kate could only think about the girl that had sneaked upstairs earlier. What would she think when she comes down and sees Kate there? Opening the door to the loft, Castle lead Kate inside before dropping her hand and gesturing towards the couch. He walked to one side making sure she had plenty of space before sitting down.

"Can you tell me about the nagging feeling?" Castle asked gently.

Kate took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. "I'm not sure how to explain it. I know that there's something I should be doing but it's like I can't access my brain to tell me what it is. It's as if I'm blocked."

Castle nodded his head. "Did you try doing anything?"

"Cleaning," Kate shrugged. "Usually when I'm cleaning my body goes into autopilot and I can just think freely but it didn't help."

Footsteps on the stairs interrupted Castle's response as a small child came into the living room. "Hungry," She announced looking at Castle. Castle let out a sigh shooting Beckett an apologetic look.

"You're hungry sweetie?" The small girl nodded. If Beckett had to guess, the girl looked to be about two years old. The girl seemed to feel Kate's stare and turned to look at her. "Ok I'll make you something real quick," Castle broke the silence. "Remember our game angel." With that he stood and went to the kitchen. It was a risk leaving the small girl with Kate but he had to make her dinner and needed both his hands to do so. Besides no harm could come from a simple staring contest.

"What's your name?" Kate asked breaking the silence. There was something familiar about this child.

"Emma," The girl responded as she leaned against the edge of the couch. Kate studied Emma's appearance. She was dressed in jeans with a nice pink shirt. Her light brown hair was freshly braided into pigtails giving Kate a clear view of Emma's striking blue eyes.

"How old are you Emma?" Kate asked gently as she moved closer to the edge of the couch fascinated with her. Emma looked towards the kitchen and saw Castle's nod of approval.

"Two." Kate nodded noticing the bond between Castle and Emma. Her mind began to wander and it wasn't long before Castle came to the living room with a bowl of pasta.

"Here you go Emma," He said handing it to her. "I cut them really little for you. You can eat in your room tonight but just this once. I have to finish talking with Kate."

Emma nodded and took the bowl before heading upstairs. Kate watched as she left. "She's cute. Is she a neighbor's kid?"

Castle shook his head. "No she uh mine." He figured direct would save him the most punishment in the end.

His? That would mean. "So is she the result of a one night stand with one of your bimbos?" Kate rolled her eyes disguised that she even considered coming here to figure out what was wrong with her. Standing she started for the door.

"No she's not." Castle's voice had her stopping in her tracks. "Her mother was in an accident. The doctors don't know how long until she'll be better but they are hopeful that one day she'll recover."

Kate felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of her. Mother? "It sounds like the two of you are pretty close." It came out in a biting tone but Kate didn't care.

"We've been happily married now for five years." Castle shared looking more and more depressed with each new piece of information that was revealed.

Kate's stomach began to churn. Five years meant that he was married before he even started shadowing her. Suddenly a crash was heard from upstairs followed by Emma's cry. Kate's stomach suddenly became hard as steel as the blood in her veins froze. Before Castle could react she was half way up the stairs.

Castle followed closely behind her watching her every move. Kate swiftly navigated down the hallway and turned into Emma's room to see her sitting on her bed holding her head. Kate seemed to be on autopilot as she walked over to Emma and picked her up gently soothing her.

"Rick I thought I told you not to put her bed here. She could hit her head," Kate said breaking the silence of the room.

"I know. I just thought-wait what did you just say?" Castle's head snapped in her direction. Kate had a look of horror on her face as she stared back at Castle.

"Castle, what's going on?" Kate's voice held a panicked tone.

Holding up one finger on each hand, Castle signaled wait one minute as he ran from the room. A few minutes later he came running into the room to see Kate sitting on the edge of Emma's bed while Emma played on the floor. Castle sat down next to her and angled his body so he could look at Kate. She mirrored his position and waited for him to continue.

"Do you know what this is?" Castle asked opening his hand to reveal a ring that had diamonds embedded on half of one side.

Kate stared at it puzzled by his question before her eyes widened. "I've seen that before."

Castle's excitement was noticeable as he jumped up and ran from the room shouting "One minute" as he went. Kate shook her head and watched Emma play. She didn't seem to have a concussion or anything. Just whacked her head hard enough to startle her. It was then that Kate noticed that Emma was humming something. It almost sounded like a song. One that she knew.

"One sweet angel sleeping in my arms. You are the promise I knew God would keep. You are the gift that makes my world complete," Kate began to softly sing. Emma's humming got quieter as she turned to look at Kate with sparkling eyes.

"And you'll never know how much I love you,But I'll keep on telling you my whole life I believe in miracles, and you're the reason why,So dream on while I sing you my angel's lullaby."

Rick stood in the door and watched in awe. Kate finished the song with tears in her eyes as she looked at Rick.

"Mine," She stated as she stood up. Rick looked at her confused as she walked over. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "All of this is mine." Rick slowly nodded his head as tears sprang to his eyes as well before he enveloped her in a passionate kiss the photo in his hands forgotten as it floated to the ground.

Emma tugged on Kate's pant leg and handed her the picture. "Daddy dropped." Kate smiled taking the picture as Rick picked Emma up. Together they stared are their wedding picture as Rick slipped Kate's wedding band back onto her finger.

* * *

A/N: Ok so if you haven't guessed by now, Kate had amnesia. This whole idea started with the first two lines being from hallow777's story One A Day. I quickly messaged her and asked if it was ok if I stole the lines. She said yes and I never imagined that it would create something this long. I was going to make this a multi-chapter story but now I'm not sure. Let me know what you think =)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First I was blown away by all of your reviews. Thank you so much! I can't begin to explain how much it means to me that you all enjoyed my idea. Second is I read all the reviews and I'm going to try my best to answer all of your questions in the following chapters.

* * *

_One Week Earlier: _

Rick sat by Kate and waited for her to open her eyes. The sound of her head hitting the concrete echoed in his mind. Ryan and Esposito had apprehended the suspect and taken her back to the precinct. With any luck they'll be able to pin the murder charge on top of assaulting an officer. Now all Rick could do is wait on the ambulance. Holding his wife's body close to his he started to feel her stir.

"Kate?" He gently pulled back to look at her.

"Castle? Wha-what happened?" Kate managed to get out.

"You hit your head. An ambulance is on its way." Rick noticed her glare and rolled his own eyes. "It's protocol Kate. You know that."

"Beckett," she insisted and Rick grimaced. She never insisted he call her Beckett when they were alone. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics helped Kate inside while getting all the necessary information from Rick. The ride to the hospital was silent for Rick as he watched the paramedics move around his wife asking questions and checking her arrived at the hospital and Kate was immediately rushed into the emergency room.

* * *

"Mr. Castle?"

Rick immediately jumped to his feet. "Yes?"

"I'm Dr. Edwards. I'm the neurologist on staff here," The doctor introduced herself. "Your wife seems to have hit her head pretty hard."

"Yes we were in the middle of a take down when the suspect came out of nowhere," Rick explained.

"A take down?"

Rick nodded his head forgetting that the doctor didn't know anything about Kate. "Yes my wife is a detective at the 12th precinct. We were in the middle of apprehending our suspect when he came out of nowhere and knocked Kate to the ground. He must have been watching us, waiting until we got close enough for a combat attack."

"Ah," Dr. Edwards nodded. "You were with her when this happened?"

Rick nodded thinking of the scene that happened just hours before. "Yes, we had just gotten a break in our case. An APB placed our suspect Balmer in an empty warehouse on the lower east side. We went there with two other members of our team and began to sweep the entire area looking for Balmer. Nothing had come up but as we were about to leave Balmer came out of no where. Kate was in front of me when Balmer side tackled her knocking her to ground. There was a loud thud sound when Kate hit her head. Ryan and Esposito, our other team members, took care of Balmer while I helped Kate."

"The paramedics said she had lost consciousness. How long did she have her eyes closed?" Dr. Edwards prompted.

"A few minutes max," Rick answered quickly. Dr. Edwards scribbled a few notes in the notepad she held in her hand.

"Well Mr. Castle, it sounds like your wife suffered a concussion," Dr. Edwards informed him. "I'm going to need to speak with Kate in order to determine the severity of her case but with close monitoring I believe she'll be able to go home today." Rick sat back in the waiting room chair and rubbed his hands over his face.

"That's a relief. Thank you doctor."

Dr. Edwards stood and looked at the man before her. "Would you like to see your wife now?" Rick quickly nodded and followed the doctor down the hallway to Kate's room. Kate was sitting up in bed when they walked in. Rick remained silent and stood next to the door.

"Hello," Dr. Edwards greeted. "My name is Dr. Edwards. I'm just going to ask you a few questions." Kate nodded and Dr. Edwards continued. "Who are you?"

"I am Kate Beckett."

Dr. Edwards shot a concerned look at Rick before continuing. "Kate Beckett, do you know what today's date is?"

Kate nodded slowly. "It's January 21st."

"January 21st?" Dr. Edwards looked at her and then turned to Rick. "May I have a word with you Mr. Castle?"

Rick nodded and stepped out into the hallway. He waited while Dr. Edwards closed the door behind her. "Your wife seems to be suffering from amnesia. It's a common result of a concussion. I would like to test her balance, coordination of movement, and reflexes. I also want to run a CT scan just to rule out any bleeding. It should take a few hours.

* * *

A/N: I'm going to try and update frequently but sometimes I might get a little behind (like with this chapter but that was mostly because I got hit with a nasty cold that knocked me out) Any way, I wanted to get this bit of the story out so you're not waiting any longer for it. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to give me your input. You really control where I take this story.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I hope this chapter answers some more of your questions :)

* * *

Rick nodded as he looked back at Kate's room. "May I sit with her?"

"Yes," Dr. Edwards nodded. "But we will be taking her for the testing soon. While that is being done, why don't you take care of yourself a bit? Go home, eat something. When you return, your wife should be back from the testing."

A few hours later Dr. Edwards returned with Kate. Rick jumped in his seat in Kate's room. He had eaten and changed and made it back to the hospital in less then two hours.

"How is she?" He asked with concern ignoring Kate's glare.

Dr. Edwards looked between the two parties and let out a sigh. "She's good. There are no signs of internal bleeding or any other trauma. There are some things that are pertinent to your recovery Kate but I don't see any reason we'll need to keep you in the hospital."

Rick let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as Kate asked. "So I can go home now?"

Dr. Edwards nodded. "Yes but it's important that someone monitor you until you regain your full memory. Mr. Castle, may I speak with you in the hallway?" Rick nodded and quickly followed Dr. Edwards out. She didn't waste anytime getting down to the matters at hand. "Mr. Castle, I'm afraid that your wife's memory loss is a little longer then I had originally estimated."

"How much longer?" Rick asked pensive about the answer.

"Well originally I assumed it was merely a week. It's a simple result when hit on the head as hard as your wife was." At Rick's nod, she continued. "It appears to be that your wife can not remember the last few years. I am not familiar with your lives but I have narrowed it down to be five to nine years ago."

Rick's face instantly fell. "Five to nine years?

Dr. Edwards nodded slowly. "On top of the memory loss, your wife may suffer from headaches, dizziness, and irritability. If her head bothers her a lot, you can give her an acetaminophen." At Rick's confused look she clarified, "Aspirin-free medications for headaches.

"If these symptoms last longer then a week and a half, you should bring her back. We'll have to run further tests. Other then that, just keep a close eye on her. Monitor her sleep habits, take it easy, and don't try and force her memory to return and she should be alright."

Rick nodded as he took all the information in and ran a hand over his face. This was not how imagined spending his day when he woke up. Then it dawned on him. "What am I going to tell Emma?"

"Emma?" Dr. Edwards repeated.

"Our daughter. She's two years old. She'll be devastated when Mommy comes home and doesn't remember her," Rick shook his head and closed his eyes.

"In my experience with young children and amnesia, making a game of it has worked best. If she thinks she's winning, she's go along with it longer. If you need help with anything else, give me a call," Dr. Edwards tried to give him a reassuring smile as she handed him her card.

"Thank you," Rick nodded and tucked her card away as Dr. Edwards walked away. He quickly pulled out his phone and called Lanie. She was Kate's best friend and he trusted she would relay all the information correctly to the others. Something told him that Ryan or Esposito would wind up leaving out a detail though not on purpose.

"Hey Lanie," He greeted trying to sound cheerful but knowing he wasn't fooling her.

"How is she?"

Rick chuckled slightly at her concern. Lanie was like Kate's sister. "She's alright. She's alive at least."

"But…" Lanie dragged out.

"She doesn't remember."

"How much doesn't she remember?"

"Five to nine years. She doesn't remember our marriage and she won't even remember Emma," He choked out starting to feel his emotions taking over.

"What are you going to do?" Lanie asked after a moment of not knowing what to say.

"I don't know. She doesn't think we're together so I can't exactly force her to come back to the loft. I'll have to bring her back to her old apartment. It's a good thing we sublet it," Rick sighed.

"What about the people living there?"

"They canceled their lease this past week. The couple had found out they were expecting and decided to raise their baby in their hometown back in Kansas. It's currently empty."

"Well that's good at least. Now you can let Kate go there until her memory returns."

Rick nodded then remembered that Lanie could see him. "Yeah, anyway I really called to ask you a favor."

"Sure what is it?" Lanie answered without hesitation.

"Actually it's two favors. Can you take Kate to the apartment? Kate needs to be monitored throughout the night and as I would love to be the one to do it, I know she wouldn't appreciate it. If you could make it a girls night or something or even get the boys in it somehow," He let his voice trail off. "I just want her to be safe."

"No problem hon. Consider it done. Want me to let Montgomery know what's happening too?"

Rick hadn't even thought of that. The doctor did say take it easy but would that mean no work too? "Um yeah and could you or him call me back? The doctor said take it easy but I don't know what that would mean for work."

"Absolutely, now go get our girl outta there."

"I will," Rick said with a small smile. "And Lanie, thank you."


	4. Chapter 4

Kate opened the door to her old apartment and walked inside. Lanie's jaw fell open slightly as she followed. It looked exactly like when Kate lived there before she married Castle. Walking around the apartment Lanie had to smile to herself. She didn't think Rick could pull everything off while she and Kate were out to lunch. But here they were in what looked like Kate's old apartment.

"I'm going to get changed," Kate announced before walking into her former bedroom. Lanie held her breath as she watched Kate leave. There was no way Rick could have moved the furniture around and put all her clothes away. When she heard a lot of draws opening and closing, Lanie walked down the hallway to Kate's room.

"Everything alright?" Lanie asked as she walked in. Kate sighed and pointed to the basket in the corner of the room

"I need to do laundry," Kate sighed at the over flowing basket of clothes. Lanie couldn't help but smirk. The man was a genius.

"It's fine. We're only having a lounge night right?"

"Yeah I guess you're right," Kate conceded as she pulled a pair of sweatpants out. Together the two friends spent the night watching old movies and relaxing. temporarily forgetting what transpired earlier that day.

* * *

"Daddy?"

Rick let out a small sigh before bending down to Emma's height. "Yes princess?"

"Where Mommy?" Emma asked looking behind him.

Rick let out a sigh as he sat down on the couch with Emma. "Mommy's working," He said with a small smile. "It's just going to be you and me for a few days. Hey! Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah!" Emma cheered as she climbed down and went into Rick's office ready to watch a movie. Rick followed closely behind. He knew Emma understood Kate sometimes worked late and wouldn't be home. He just hoped that it really did last just a few days.

* * *

Kate looked around her empty apartment. It had been two days since she was released from the hospital. Lanie had come to check on her every night. At first it bothered Kate but she knew her friend was worried.

Montgomery had suggested she take the week off. She didn't mind really. Trying to remember everything has been an exhausting process. There were many pieces of her life that she knew were still missing. She tried to focus on them but every time she came close to remembering, her mind went blank leaving nothing behind.

Looking at the clock she sighed. Lanie was going to be there soon. They were going to go to one of the clubs they have been putting off. The door opening interrupted her thoughts.

"Girl I thought you'd be ready by now," Lanie sighed as her keys hung from her hand.

"Almost," Kate stole a glance at the clock. "Ten minutes? Time me." At eight minutes Kate emerged from her bedroom in a short black dress. "Ready?"

"You know I oughtta smack you for looking that good," Lanie laughed.

"Just making myself feel good," Kate said with a wink.

Kate sat at the bar and watched Lanie out on the dance floor. This seemed like a good idea at the time. But the guilt she felt with every guy that offered to buy her a drink was starting to be too much for her to handle. Kate didn't understand it. She felt someone sit next to her. Her instincts told her it was Lanie.

"What's wrong hon?

Kate let out a sigh. "Lanie am I seeing someone?"

Lanie taken by surprise almost choked on her drink. "Where did that come from?"

"Lanie I'm serious. I know you aren't supposed to force my memory but this is important."

"Kate I-" Just then Lanie phone rang. "Parish. Uh-huh, alright. Bye." Lanie closed her phone as she stood up and gently covered Kate's hand with her own. "Sorry hon but a body just dropped and Perlmutter's already working a scene."

Kate nodded as her friend left. For a few minutes she just sat at the bar before her phone vibrated. Pulling it out she saw it was a text from Lanie.

_We'll talk tomorrow. K?_

Kate smiled slightly as she typed back her response before pressing send. She stared at her phone's screen watching as the green arrow switched to a check mark before exiting to the home screen. Almost instantly confusion etched itself onto Kate's face. There was a picture of a small child as the background on her phone. Navigating through her phone, Kate discovered tons of pictures of the same little girl. Some with the girl alone and some of them together. There were even some pictures of her with a ruggedly handsome guy. Whoever these people were, they obviously knew her well.

Kate closed the pictures on her phone and went back to the main screen. What else would she be able to figure out about her life from this piece of technology?

A/N: I'm not sure if Kate's phone (the Palm Pre) really works like that. I'm going entirely by memory of my ex's Palm Pre but I only texted on it once. Sorry if how I described it is wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: A huge thank you goes to hallow777 for being my sounding board and helping me through my writers block and making me feel guilty for not writing when I get super busy at work. I'm actually having a lot of fun writing this and you have all be super patient with me. Thank you so much!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kate scrolled to her contacts and was immediately alarmed.

"That's not right," Kate said confused. "My dad has always been first in my phone book." Kate finished scrolling through her contacts and came up with four numbers that she didn't recognize. The most alarming was a number titled Home. She didn't have a home number. With how much her schedule varies, it's easier for people to just call her cell phone. That still left three numbers.

Alexis, Castle, Martha. Kate read the three names a few times before deciding on the middle one. Who would call themselves Castle anyway? A Castle was a building, not a person unless you could that author. Kate laughed at herself. Castle wasn't just an author. He was her favorite author but she would never admit to something so naive. One the third ring someone picked up.

"Hello?" A male voice answered.

"Um is there a Castle there?" Kate rolled her eyes. She felt so dumb for even asking that question. Surely this man thought she was insane.

"This is Castle," The man replied with an amused tone. "But you can call me Rick."

"Rick," Kate repeated and heard him chuckle. "I found your number in my phone. Were we close?"

Rick was silent for a while. "Why don't we met somewhere to talk in person? It might be easier to explain then. Do you know where Remy's is?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded before rattling off the address.

"Ok, meet there in thirty minutes?"

Kate agreed before hanging up and thinking about who she was about to meet. It had to be a coincidence that this guy's name happened to be Rick Castle too.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kate saw the sign for Remy's before she saw the building. She was early but that didn't bother her. After paying the cabbie she walked into Remy's and immediately went to a booth in the back corner. It gave her a clear line of sight to the door and everyone in the little dinner. Plus it just felt right.

The door opened again and Rick walked in. Kate couldn't help but feel butterflies in her stomach when his gaze landed on her and he smiled. She could feel herself smiling back but inside she was terrified. There was no coincidence. This man was Richard Castle, famous novelist. How they knew each other was still a mystery to her.

"Hello," Rick smiled as he approached the table quickly taking in her appearance.

"Hi," Kate answered back and she clasped her hands together on the table. "Have a seat?"

"Thank you," Rick slid into the booth. "So you have some questions?"

Kate nodded slowly. "First being how do we know each other. You're a famous writer and I'm a cop."

"I shadowed you," Rick clarified. "For a few years."

"Why?" Kate confusion was evident in her tone.

"Because you're tall," Rick smiled but let it fade when Kate just stared at him. "Sorry that was a joke. It was because you had inspired me."

"Inspired you?" Kate's mind ran through many less than glamorous ways to be inspiring. "How?" She heard herself asking.

Rick thought for a minute before answering. "By the way you related to the victim's families, chase after a suspect, being you. Just talking with you would paint pictures in my mind of the things I could write. Being with you was like turning a light switch."

A waitress walked up to their tabke and placed two plates down each. containing a burger and fries. Rick started picking at his fries while Kate stared at her plate.

"But we didn't order yet. How did they know this is what we wanted?"

Rick paused with half a fry hanging from his mouth. Busted. How would he explain this? "Um we used to eat here a lot after cases. After awhile they just knew what we would order."

"How did they know it was us though?"

"We always sat in this booth," Rick smirked silently pleased that at least subconsciously she was remembering some of their past.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Words words words excuse excuse apology. No one really reads these anyway. Words words words. On with the story.

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Kate and Rick sat in their booth for hours just talking about their past. Some memories sounded foreign to her. Others she could vaguely remember. The latter made Rick immensely happy. As the night drew on Remy's slowly emptied out leaving Kate and Rick as the only customers.

"Wow it looks like we're the only ones here," Kate blushed slightly. "I should probably head home."

"We could keep talking," Rick blurted out. "Not tonight of course because it's. already late or actually early. But maybe tomorrow night?"

Kate smiled as she stood up. "I'd like that. Good night Rick."

"Until tomorrow."

Kate's brow furrowed as she studied him. "Why didn't you just say night?"

"Because until tomorrow is more-"

"Hopeful." Kate blurted out this time as Rick smiled.

"You remember."

"A little," Kate's laugh was matched with Rick's as they stood and left Remy's. The air was brisk as each silently wished for spring. Ever the gentleman, Rick hailed a cab and gave it to Kate. Ushering her in and watching as the cab took her off into the night. With a sigh he turned and threw his hand in the air ready to await a cab for himself.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The next few days seemed like a dream for Kate. She would spend her days doing the things she never had time to do because of her work schedule. She visited her mother's grave and laid fresh flowers for her. Visited her dad instead of just calling him. She even attempted to research herself. Her memory was returning slowly but it was frustrating to have to wait in limbo until she could return to work. A quick Google search provided her with a handful of sites that linked her to her old police academy as well as a few articles that had been written about some of the high end cases she's worked.

There was almost nothing written about her and Rick. Surely if he really shadowed her for a few years there would be some mention of their work together. On the bottom of the second search page something jumped out at her. An interview with Cosmopolitan. That was definitely not a normal venue for a police article. Clicking the link, Kate watched in amazement as the article opened to a picture of Rick standing in _her_ bull pen sandwiched between _two_ models dressed as uniformed officers but with half the clothing. The nonchalant expression on his face had her jaw dropping as she tried to mentally process the image. Looking away to try and rid the image, Kate refocused herself. There was supposed to be information in this article about her. Scrolling down she bit her lip. This article was at least three pages long. It started off talking about Rick and just continued in a steady stream of consciousness. There was no telling when she would be brought up. Hitting the control and F key at the same time, she quickly typing in her name and waited for the computer to hone in.

"_The last paragraph. Of course," _Kate thought to herself as she adjusted herself in her chair and leaned a little closer to the screen.

_Kate Beckett is a tough, smart homicide detective with the NYPD - a first-class investigator known for being a closer._

"A closer?" Kate asked out loud as she read.

_She__'s also gained a reputation as a detective who's intrigued by the "freaky ones," the sort of cases that don't fit neatly into a box. _

"A rep that took me many years and a lot of hard work to obtain summed up as 'intrigued by the freaky ones'?"

_It__'s a reflection of her ongoing quest for justice._

"Oh."

_Having joined the force after the murder of a loved one was never solved, she has a rare ability to empathize with the victims and it__'s this that fuels her unceasing drive to capture the people responsible. Forced to work with Castle, she was at first frustrated by his presence but over time began to appreciate him. Even though he drives her crazy, everyone knows they make a great team._

"When was this written?" Kate scrolled back up to the top of the page. "Amy Saunders, September 23, 2009." Kate let out a groan. That was eight years ago. This was just a waste of time. Maybe she was imagining something more with Rick. Maybe he really was just her partner.

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Thoughts?


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey can you talk?_

Kate's thumb nail found its way between her teeth as she paced her apartment. It was late but she just couldn't get her mind to settle. After searching for hours she wasn't any closer to finding herself than she was before.

_Sure what's up? Everything ok?_

Kate felt herself smile. He cared a lot for someone who was supposed to be just a friend. How does she handle this? Should she just come out and ask are we sleeping together? There had to be some sort of guideline for this. Suddenly her phone was ringing. A quick glance to the screen told her all she needed to know. Should she let it go to voicemail or answer it?

"Hello?"

"Kate? Are you alright?" The concern in his voice had her replacing her nail with her lip. "Kate?"

Letting out a breath, she closed her eyes. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You don't sound like yourself."

Kate felt herself beginning to smile. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" She heard him chuckle.

"Know something is wrong without even seeing me."

"Maybe I know _you_." There was definitely a smile in his voice. "We have known each other for years."

"And that's all?" She heard herself question.

"Is that why you called?" Was this how she wanted to find out? A chance phone call started because she had a moment of weakness and sent a text instead of going to bed.

"Kate, I'll see you in twenty minutes." And then he hung up. He was willing to drop everything at eleven o'clock on a Sunday night just because she didn't sound like herself. Rick was coming here in twenty minutes. Kate looked down at her leggings with a hole in the knee and her washed out, faded t-shirt. She needed to change and quickly. Rushing into her bedroom, she stripped out of the baggy t-shirt and slipped on a snug white v neck t-shirt. Next she was pulling off the leggings and tossing them into the corner with her old t-shirt. She grabbed a pair of jeans from her dresser and ran to the bathroom. As comfortable the loose ponytail she was currently wearing was, it wasn't how she wanted to greet Rick. She muttered a few choice words as she brushed her hair and hit a couple of knots.

_Almost there_

Kate touched up her make-up. A knock at the door had her dropping her mascara in the sink. She grumbled as she quickly put her make-up away and grabbed her phone. Kate rushed to the door kicking the coffee table on her way.

"Shit."

_Heard that lol_

Kate read the message and rolled her eyes as she slipped the phone in her back pocket and opened the door.

"Smart ass," She felt herself smiling as she ushered him into her apartment locking the door again once he passed.

"So," he trailed off as his eyes took in her appearance.

"So?" Kate questioned as she rubbed her hands together. Rick looked around the room and then back to Kate. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure," Rick smiled as Kate walked past him towards the kitchen.

"Red?"

"Yeah," Rick chuckled. Red wine was his favorite. He didn't know if it was something she remembered or just a luck guess. He watched as Kate reached up and pulled down two goblets. _Were__they__going__to__drink__that__much?_He thought to himself. Kate turned back to him and giggled at his expression. "Did you just _giggle_?" Rick asked in almost an appalled tone.

"Well if you could see your face, you'd be giggling too," Kate's melodic laugh filled the room. "You look like I just asked you to clean the windows of the Empire State Building."

Rick glared at her with a smirk. "Ms. Beckett, I can handle anything you throw my way."

"Is that true, Mr. Castle?" Kate challenged as she led them to the couch. This, she could handle. Their teasing felt nature to her. "Then I challenge you to a game of truth or dare."

"Truth or Dare?" Rick questioned. He knew practically everything about her. What else was there to lear-oh. _Kate_still has to learn about _him._Which means that she still doesn't remember anything about him, about them.

"Alright, let's start. Truth," Rick smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

"Okay," Kate trailed off. "What is your idea of a 'your type of girl'."

"Well she would be tough but smart, strikingly beautiful with a hint of mystery. She'd be a bit of a home body but deep down also a little silly." Rick took a sip of his drink again. "Truth or dare?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Um truth?"

Rick smiled. "What is your favorite color?"

"Green," Kate replied simply. It felt odd giving such a small answer after his but Rick was smiling so she let it go. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," Rick continued smiling. She remembered her favorite color was green. Hope was restored with him that this game just might be the key to help her remember her past.

""What's the one thing you would do, if you were able to do it?"

Rick looked at their glasses already empty and gestured to the bottle. "More?" At Kate's nod, he refilled them both. "If I could do one thing, it would probably be trading places with you the that you well you know," He trailed off. He wanted to switch places with her? He was willing trade his memories for her amnesia. Kate stared at him shocked by his admission. "Truth or dare?" He asked softly.

"Um truth."

"What do you like to do for fun?"

Kate almost choked on her drink. They had known each other for years. Surely he knew what she liked to do outside of work. "I'm uh pretty much a home body. I like to read if I have the time like these past few days."

Rick nodded. More information he already knew. This was good.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Rick smiled.

"Have you ever had any strong feelings for anyone before?" Kate asked before biting her lip.

"There are a few people that I have strong feelings for. Most of them are my family and friends," Rick answered honestly. Kate couldn't fault him for that. They played their game until the bottle of wine was almost empty and their questioned became ridiculous.

"I think it's time for bed," Kate giggled as she leaned against Rick.

"Yeah you're probably right," He laughed. It felt so good to laugh with her. "Come on, let's get you up." He moved their glasses to the coffee table and pulled Kate to her feet.

"Are you going to tuck me into bed, Mr. Castle?" Kate teased as she swayed down the hallway.

"Maybe," He grinned following behind her watching as she navigated through the apartment and sped through her bedtime routine. It always amazed him how well she moved even when she was drunk. Kate slipped from the bathroom in an oversized purple t-shirt and black leggings. "Alright lets get you into bed."

"Are you joining me?" Kate asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"As much as I'd love to, I don't think I should," Rick sighed as he pulled the comforter up. "I should really head back to my place."

Kate nodded. "I understand. Until tomorrow?"

"Until tomorrow."

* * *

Kate Beckett stumbled sleepily into her kitchen early one morning, nearly having a heart attack when her brain registered a man standing at the stove, apparently cooking breakfast.

"Castle?" She asked, with no small amount of confusion and shock.

Castle glanced towards her. "Good morning Beckett," He smiled before turning back to the stove flipping the pancakes. "Sleep well?"

Kate was slowly drawn into the kitchen by the smell of fresh coffee. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she poured herself a cup.

Castle was silent as he made up of plate of pancakes and bacon before walking to the table. "What day is it today?"

"Monday," Kate huffed. "What are you doing here?"

Castle sighed as he placed the plate in front of her. "I sort of fell asleep on the couch last night."

Now it was Kate's turn to sigh. "Look I know I've been working a lot but you don't have to worry about me. I know what I'm doing. If you get tired, just go home. You don't need to sleep on the precinct couch. We both know how painful that can be."

"I know," Castle nodded as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen. "I've got to head back to the loft now."

"Writing?" Kate speculated as she cut up her pancakes.

"Um yeah." Castle hedged before walking out of the apartment. Kate shook her head, not looking forward to the day. Without Castle she was looking at quiet day of paper work.

* * *

A/N: No I'm not dead, I just work pretty much every day now. I got some surprising inspiration for this today and was able to give you this chapter. I hope it was alright.


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